Sacrifice

"Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own." ~1 Corinthians 6:19

 I think the theory of "putting ourselves out there" for people in an attempt to build a relationship has gone too far. Not only emotionally, but physically. Why do we wear our hearts on our sleeves? Why do we give away every part of ourselves, like we're desperate for the world to know our most personal secrets? I think part of it comes to trust. People like me assume the best in people, give them the benefit of the doubt. But I'm slowly learning that it's not the best method of getting to know people.

This all may sound cliche and dramatic, and I don't mean it that way at all. I don't mean to sound like the feminist arguing that men are evil and can't get anything done and that the female race has become victim to the oppression of sex-crazed male individuals. I mean it as a girl who has experienced a lot, whose actions, thoughts and feelings were based not in knowledge but rather pure and complete ignorance, and who is taking time to evaluate that experience. I wish I had been subject to intervention a long time ago, because the things I'm realizing now, about myself in relation to the rest of the world, and most importantly, in my walk with God, have changed my entire perspective for the better.

There's the argument that you might be afraid of love, and that you'll get hurt, but maybe you won't get hurt, maybe it'll work. But if I go forward with that theory, I still end up with a lot of regret, having hurt a lot of people, and being hurt myself. Then if you do "find love" after having gone through every single other option you can get your hands on (figuratively or literally) then do you still end up happy?

God gave us perfect love so that we could rely on Him. Perfect love doesn't exist on Earth, and that's why I'm figuring out, that you can't rely on people. True friends, yes, but as far as romantic relationships, everybody lies, even me. Everyone is confused about their emotions, and no one knows how to express them, and you just end up lying to that significant other, with your words and your actions, and lying to yourself. I firmly believe God has one person meant for everyone, and that each person should come to their husband or wife, chosen for them by God, completely pure. This society has lost sight of that. I see girls wearing their dream wedding dress, that is white, even if they lost their virginity long before their wedding. I don't mean to condemn them, at all, because my God is a God of love, but it does make me wonder, how it all comes back to lying.

If nothing I've said has made any sense, I will attempt to summarize my motive for this post:

Sometimes we sacrifice all we want for eternity, and what God wants for us, for the temporary. We throw away our own dreams and aspirations in the hope that a certain man will think us worthy of his time and effort, and will do anything to hold onto him. And when we lose him, we blame ourselves for everything, and dwell on the possibilities of what we did wrong.
Who said it was about him? Him, this temporary emotionally-confused individual who has his own dreams and aspirations that probably have nothing to do with you. Who said it was your fault? In fact, is there really anyone to blame when relationships fall apart, or is it purely God saying in so many events, that this person is not who He has meant for you? I believe the latter.
So what it all comes down to is this: If God does have one person for you (and even if your not religious, but believe you are meant to end up with one and only one person) then why sacrifice your time, why sacrifice your well-being, why sacrifice your joy, for anyone less than your future husband? I've convinced myself for so long that the experiences, the past relationships were necessary because they made me realize what was good and what was bad, and lead me to where I was today. But when I really think about it, I would rather have done without them. Why do I have to keep putting myself through this repetitive cycle of getting attached and getting hurt and missing someone, who isn't even giving a second thought about me? There's no reason. I don't want to be anyone's anything. Except God's daughter. Because my body is not my own. I'm going to glorify God with it, not throw it away.

חַיִּים יָפִים

The three things a guy should want to change about his girl is her last name, address, and her viewpoint on men. ~Kid Cudi

I'm sorry, I need to explain...but I'm back! :D

I need to explain why I haven't blogged in months. But the explanation is rather simple. College takes up my life. More specifically, my classes and homework. I swear Interior Design Majors have the largest amount of homework. I'll explain later, but it really is pretty ridiculous. Having a social life is a difficult activity, at college, in my major. Anyway, I've finally found time to post, and there's a lot to catch up on, considering so much has happened, and I haven't blogged about it in that time. This post will cover my classes and professors, as exciting as that is...but some of you might care :)

Unlike some other majors, especially undeclared, it might be a surprise that interior design majors are launched into the program. By this I mean all of my classes have to do with my major, because, near the end of the second semester of freshman year, I have this huge test that decides whether or not I continue in the program or not. There are about 73 kids in the program right now, but only about 40 go through. And at least 4 kids have already dropped out. It's rather stressful, but I can already tell I will be well-prepared, based on the criteria of my classes, and my realization that the Interior Design Program at CSU really is one of the best in the nation.

I have Visual Arts Monday, Wednesday and Friday from 9-9:50 AM. It's in essence an art history class, but it also teaches basic techniques and definitions of terms in art. The class is easy and straight-forward, the professor is great, and I did really well on my first exam.

Following Visual Arts, I have General Psychology from 11-11:50. I took Psych senior year of high school, but this class just covered the whole semester from last year in basically a month. It's fast-paced, and I had forgotten a lot of what I had learned, and I love learning a ton of new things. But the most fun part of psychology for me is the research studies. By the end of semester, we're required to have 6 hours of research studies, which you just sign up for and attend and get credit. A lot of them are fascinating, but there was one rather traumatic one...anyway,

I have Sketching from 8-10:40 AM (I know...) on Tuesday and Thursday. It's killer. Mostly because I've never drawn before (I hated the art classes at my high school) but also because I literally have no idea what I'm doing, and all the other interior design majors who have become some of my great friends, are in the same situation. So it's not just me. It's also a huge time crunch, as I'll hopefully talk about later, but it seriously takes up a lot of my time. The professor is one of the coolest teachers I have ever met, not in the chill easy way, in the way that he will push you to your full potential and inspire you to always do better, to not be afraid of being bold and messing up, and to love what you do, and do it with a great attitude. It's fulfilling.

My other class on Tuesdays and Thursdays is Introduction to Interior Design. This class really gets down to the basics of design, terms, and analysis of interior spaces, as well as some architecture, and the psychology behind it (how a person feels when they enter a room). My professor is one of the craziest people I have ever met, and she reminds me of one of my classmates from high school all grown up. She's so awesome and always makes the whole class laugh, it really makes a lecture more lively. (except those moments I fall asleep due to lack of sleep- she definitely pointed me out the next day, it was so embarrassing...)

That's just a general overview, so that I don't bore you to death. But there will be more to come, and they'll be more exciting as well. Glad I could come back to this, I've definitely missed blogging so much. :)

Review of CSU Move-in :D

Pictures of the dorm room! Excuse the mess... :P

Alright, so I haven't been very connected to facebook and my blog lately because there has just been so much going on! But I have a free moment, so I wanted to summarize the events of the past four days.

Thursday was official move-in day for all freshmen, at least those who weren't working and got to move in early (the lucky bastards) It was chaos. Dorms opened at 8, but there were people waiting long before then, and we set out from the house at 7 to arrive at 8, but after we got through traffic, we were able to drop off all my stuff in front of the dorm around 9. When we got in, my roommate was there already. I had four people with me and so did she, so we had 10 people in the room at once, and needless to say, it was a little crowded. But eventually we conquered in shifts, and now the room looks great, thanks to the organizational skills of myself and my sister. It's great how space can be utilized to fit a lot into little space. Bins the key propellant, lots of bins. Went out to lunch with the fam, and stoped at Target to get some finishing touch supplies. Then we all packed into the auditorium for speeches from the president and vice president and other important people, which was followed by a family picnic. We ended the night with a "Carnival" involving games, and free stuff, rides, and music, but I invested most of the time in pickup games of beach volleyball. Met a lot of people which was great, and of course stayed up till about two in the morning.

Friday morning I learned that was a bad idea, because we woken up at 8 for breakfast. We had another welcome session for our individual colleges (mine being the College of Applied Human Sciences) in which we received even more speeches from the Dean and faculty, and then split up into our departments to hear from our academic adviser and tour the classroom facilities. This was a great session because I got to meet a lot of the other Interior Design majors, the people I will be spending most of my time with in classes. After that session, all the students came back together for lunch and a Street Fair, where there were tables of information for campus organizations, resources, and services. The beautiful Student Rec Center opened for two hours for just freshmen, and then after that, for the other classes. We then had an event in the evening called "Ramapalooza" where there was entertainment such as live performances, comedy, and magic shows, as well as artists, crafts, food and prizes.

Come Saturday, things began to finally slow down. This was good and bad, because we got to sleep in, but there was almost too much free time, which led to boredom. But there was the school tradition of hiking to "the A," a painted landmark that was placed on the side of the mountain when CSU were still the Aggies, an Agricultural School. They weren't allowed to remove it when they became Rams because pilots use it as a reference point. So we keep it up by repainting it ever few years, and the hike involved each person carrying up a white rock to place on the A. At 10 at night there was a "Ram Night at Super Target" which was an event in which students came to Target to buy stuff at supposed discount, but nobody actually saved that much money. But everyone did receive a couple free things, like vitamin water and other snacks.

Finally, Sunday was the most relaxed day. I just checked out the rest of Corbett and campus, and prepared for my classes the next day. Pretty chill...

I will post a first week review soon. :)...well at this point, I'll just do a review of my classes and professors/ all the exciting new things. Again, I apologize for the lateness, still settling into a routine, a lesson of managing my time better...

חַיִּים יָפִים

"Learn to...be what you are, and learn to resign with a good grace all that you are not."
~Henri Frederic Amiel

ONE DAY

There is ONE DAY left of my summer, ONE DAY left till I move to fort collins, ONE DAY before I become an official college student.

ONE DAY left in Boulder, the town in which I was born and raised, bred for loyalty to CU, and the place I would rather just visit, at this point. Boulder is one of the greatest cities I have ever been to, and I love it with all my heart. I just don't want to live there...anymore.......

I would say that I'm scared, like I've been saying for the past month, but at this point, my excitement overrules it. I was up there monday to help my friend move in, and I got to visit my own dorm hall, and felt a lot more comfortable. I got my textbooks, and everything felt like it was finally rolling.

More than anything, from when I picked my college, through orientation and all the visits, to now, I have known that I belong there, that I am supposed to be going there. Once you can imagine yourself in a place for the next four years, and know you'll be happy, the decision is made for you. And that's how I chose CSU.

Packing so far has been interesting. I had no idea I would need so much STUFF. It grosses me out, but I'm kind of a hypocrite, because obviously I'm indulging in it, proably bringing more than I really need. But it really is like making another home somewhere else, so I would be comforted to feel at home in a dorm room. Major problem: I feel really bad about all the money my parents have spent to buy all this STUFF, and they do it without question, because they know it's part of the process, and they love to do it. Or so they tell me. Lesson learned: just how selfless my parents are, they really are amazing people, and I love them so much. Without them, I don't know where I would be.

So, I have all these pre-perceptions of how I will react in certain potential situations, and how I will handle it, but I really will have no idea until I've expereinced it. I just hope I can stay in control and, well, sane. Let me explain:
I don't want to be the kid that changes when they go to college. I like who I am, I see nothing wrong with me, and no reason to change anything. So we'll see how I grow into my stance on self-confidence with all this reality (the world outside of high school drama and relying on people to do your shit for you and sailing through life) enveloping my view.

I'm going to miss a lot of people (you know who you are), and at the same time, this is my opportunity to avoid people that encourage an extension of high school, and meet NEW people, who haven't known me for the past 4-12 years, and are therefore passing judgement on the first impression I give off as a fresh college-student. And since we're in college, judgement shouldn't be that much of an issue considering you're ultimately more accepted, but most of all, people are really just focused on themselves. They don't care what you do. As long as you're decent. NEW is FUN. (note the capitals)

To sum everything up, going off to college: one of the coolest bittersweet crazy emotion-crazed experiences, short of college itself. It's not so much that I'm nervous anymore; I'm just cautiously aware, taking time to step to the side-lines and reevaluate before it's too late and I've lost myself in something that vandalizes my well-being, or takes me away from the important things. Which includes freaking out about college. :)

So I lied...but it's ok :)

So I thought Ellie Goulding was my last concert, but my mission trip leader from my youth group treated me to an Etown concert at the Boulder Theatre for The Civil Wars.

First, I would like to talk about the "Etown experience." I had never been to Etown before and it was quite the pleasant surprise. They're a syndicated radio' music and talk' show, broadcast on 300 stations and podcasts worldwide. It's variety featuring live music and conversation, and a lot of humor to back it. So not only do the artists play some of their music, but the host sits and asks them questions, talking to them about their origin and getting personal, so that the audience can learn fun facts that they never would have learned otherwise. It's fun to know that our applause will be heard over the radio, and even more fun to see the behind-the-scenes action that doesn't air on the 1-hour program. I might even say I like Etown more than a regular concert (plus the fact that we get to sit in a pleasant atmosphere with polite people, instead of having to mosh with drunk obnoxious groupies with the scent of weed hanging in the air.) Everything about it was beautiful and poignant.

To sum up The Civil Wars; their performance, their history, their presence: Magic. Their music grants me such joy, I can't help but smile at every note. The band is composed of a man named John Paul White and woman named Joy Williams (some of you may know her as the former Gospel singer.) I learned from the Etown interview that these two songwriters met at a songwriting conference that neither of them wanted to go to in the first place. But once their voices collided, they both new it was meant to be. They've grown since then to be so admired that Taylor Swift even brought attention to them.

John Paul White is blessed with beautiful guitar skills, Joy Williams with a natural talent on the piano, and both of them the most magnificant vocals, with wide range, perfect pitch, and glorious harmony.

The co-act was the very talented Sarah Jarosz.

She learned the mandolin when she was 10, and performed in the Telluride Film Festival when she was only 17. This budding young artist brings a modern bluegrass vibe, with her accompanying cello and fiddle. She's made it so far in the music industry in such a short amount of her time, and she is a joy to listen to, and definetly considering buying some of her music.

All in all, it was a gorgeous and memorable concert, especially being my official last last summer concert. It was a perfect way to end the summer. Only 6 days left! :O mixed emotions, it's bitter sweet, but I can't wait to begin my next adventure.