ONE DAY

There is ONE DAY left of my summer, ONE DAY left till I move to fort collins, ONE DAY before I become an official college student.

ONE DAY left in Boulder, the town in which I was born and raised, bred for loyalty to CU, and the place I would rather just visit, at this point. Boulder is one of the greatest cities I have ever been to, and I love it with all my heart. I just don't want to live there...anymore.......

I would say that I'm scared, like I've been saying for the past month, but at this point, my excitement overrules it. I was up there monday to help my friend move in, and I got to visit my own dorm hall, and felt a lot more comfortable. I got my textbooks, and everything felt like it was finally rolling.

More than anything, from when I picked my college, through orientation and all the visits, to now, I have known that I belong there, that I am supposed to be going there. Once you can imagine yourself in a place for the next four years, and know you'll be happy, the decision is made for you. And that's how I chose CSU.

Packing so far has been interesting. I had no idea I would need so much STUFF. It grosses me out, but I'm kind of a hypocrite, because obviously I'm indulging in it, proably bringing more than I really need. But it really is like making another home somewhere else, so I would be comforted to feel at home in a dorm room. Major problem: I feel really bad about all the money my parents have spent to buy all this STUFF, and they do it without question, because they know it's part of the process, and they love to do it. Or so they tell me. Lesson learned: just how selfless my parents are, they really are amazing people, and I love them so much. Without them, I don't know where I would be.

So, I have all these pre-perceptions of how I will react in certain potential situations, and how I will handle it, but I really will have no idea until I've expereinced it. I just hope I can stay in control and, well, sane. Let me explain:
I don't want to be the kid that changes when they go to college. I like who I am, I see nothing wrong with me, and no reason to change anything. So we'll see how I grow into my stance on self-confidence with all this reality (the world outside of high school drama and relying on people to do your shit for you and sailing through life) enveloping my view.

I'm going to miss a lot of people (you know who you are), and at the same time, this is my opportunity to avoid people that encourage an extension of high school, and meet NEW people, who haven't known me for the past 4-12 years, and are therefore passing judgement on the first impression I give off as a fresh college-student. And since we're in college, judgement shouldn't be that much of an issue considering you're ultimately more accepted, but most of all, people are really just focused on themselves. They don't care what you do. As long as you're decent. NEW is FUN. (note the capitals)

To sum everything up, going off to college: one of the coolest bittersweet crazy emotion-crazed experiences, short of college itself. It's not so much that I'm nervous anymore; I'm just cautiously aware, taking time to step to the side-lines and reevaluate before it's too late and I've lost myself in something that vandalizes my well-being, or takes me away from the important things. Which includes freaking out about college. :)